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Power of Mercy

 My mind hasn't been stop thinking about motherhood since my last post.  I've thought a lot about how to move forward and be there for my children.  I've tried to come up with some game plans of what to do or how to recognize if I feel or see myself start pulling back again.

In that process, I've also had the thought "forgive yourself" and "show kindness to yourself" repeat over and over in my head.  I had the feeling, you are doing better then you give yourself credit.  

Which isn't that true?!  Aren't we are normally doing better then what we give ourselves credit for?  I know I am.  I guess that's the downfall of perfectionism.  Sometimes we just don't ever see ourselves as good enough.

During meet season, life is crazy!  I'm running from meeting to meeting during the week to make sure everything is in order for being gone for the meets Thursday - Saturday's.  All my study time, pondering time, and self meditation is out the door.  It's all about podcasts while I'm showering and getting ready or driving in the car to an appointment.  My normal note taking and journalling just can't happen during these 4 months.  It also means, blogging doesn't happen as often as I would like either.

I began giving myself a guilt trip last week about it.  I was beating myself up about not staying on top of scripture study and blogging.  As I was going down that spiral of thought, the Lord kindly reminded me - There is a time and season for everything.  Right now my season is meet season and when I get to deep study, journal and blog then that's a cherry on top.

Ahhh, what an instant relief!  God, in his goodness, gave me mercy!  He reminded me I don't need to be superwoman!  I don't have to do everything all the time and on my own.

This is what I have been missing when looking at motherhood!  I was missing being kind to myself.  I was missing, forgive myself for not being superwoman.  I was missing, that I honestly am not going to be a perfect mother!

God knew that motherhood would be a struggle for me, and yet, he still sent me 5 beautiful little humans to raise.  He believed in me!  He believed that what I could give, and have been trying to give, would be enough.

Each one of them have been a little miracle in and of themselves.  The miracles began with the fact that I was even able to have children.  I never even saw this as a miracle until the other day sharing my health history with the nurse.  I had endometriosis and fibroids.  My cycles weren't normal and my uterus wasn't healthy.  And yet, I conceived 6 babies (we lost 1 at 18 weeks into the pregnancy).  Then we had miracles with each child.

  • Hunter and I crossed blood during the birthing process and he was killing off all of his own blood cells.  They were just about to do a transfusion on him at a day old when his miracle happened.  
  • I began to miscarrying all my girls at 6 weeks old and yet they each made it here (lots of medicines, bed rests, and begging the Lord for them to make it)
  • Hope, my baby, wasn't supposed to make it past 18 weeks old due to complications.  She past that date and then at 27 week my uterus began rupturing.  By the power of a priesthood blessing, God held my uterus together for another 8 weeks.  I delivered her at 35 weeks and she only spent 2 weeks in the NICU.
As I look at their miracles, it's made me think - AREN'T WE ALL LITTLE MIRACLES??

Christ's atonement - mercy and grace - are daily miracles for us to become who and what we need to be!

I learned in inklings.institute that mercy is especially active compassion.

And when I focus on God's mercies, I naturally see the good around me.  I see that I'm not perfect, but that I'm doing the best that I can and God is accepting my attempts.  I can forgive myself for my imperfections, because I see and feel God has already forgiven me.

How will you recognize God's mercy in your life this week?  How will you then use that mercy to show yourself mercy this week?

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