- Communication also means talking more than just when there is a problem or a need. It means constant communication. We have to call the ball when it is coming down the middle of the court. We call when we know we can make it to the ball before your teammate. We call when the ball gets returned sooner than the teammate can get back to the area. We also call when we can see that the ball is going to go out of bounds. On the court we are always talking. Marriage needs to be the same way.
- You need to be able to share dreams and goals. These are bonding moments. These are the moments that we come back to the same page and are able to move forward together in our marriage.
- You need to be able to express all your feeling. This means expressing happiness and joy, but it also means expressing pain, hurt, and disappointment. This can be extremely hard to do, but for the growth to happen and the unity to happen, it has to be there.
2. Stay in your boundaries!
When you are playing with a partner, you don't get the whole court; you share. There are specific rules, especially on a serve, that dictate who is allowed to hit the ball. You don't get to be a ball hog.
During a marriage it's important to lay out duties and guidelines as to who will do what. This can always be changing, but the communication has to happen before it changes. When you jump onto the other person side of the court without asking or them asking you, it can cause hurt and pain in a relationship. It can cause one spouse to feel inadequate and not needed in a marriage. Both people in a marriage are ALWAYS needed!! It can also lead to one feeling unappreciated and unnecessarily burdened. These are all situations you don't want in a marriage. Left unchecked they can cause wedges in a relationship.
Remember, it's always okay to ask for help! Just because you've set boundaries doesn't mean the other person can't step in here and there to help out. Go back to rule #1 - communicate.
3. Patiently cheer your partner on!
My favorite words during the pickleball game from my teammate is always, "Wow, that was an impressive try!" Those words help me be patient with myself while I'm attempting to learn and develop a new skill. I also love when I screw up a serve and everyone allows me a try again. This encourages me that even though I'm going to mess up, everyone around me wants to see me succeed and are willing to let me learn from my mistakes.
Find ways to cheer on your spouse, especially if they do something different then how you would have done it or their attempt to help fails. Recognize your spouse is trying. We all have strengths and weaknesses in this life. What you are good at, may be different than your spouse. Recognize that and don't expect them to be able to do it the same way as you. Cheer them on and encourage them to try to become better.
And most importantly, be patient in your spouses weaknesses!!! Let them try again! Let them feel encouraged by you that you are going to be their biggest supporter and you want to see them succeed at all they do.
4. And no matter if you win or lose, celebrate together!
We have the best laughs on the pickleball court. We are willing to laugh at our mistakes and our losses and we love to cheer and clap at our wins and successes.
It's the same in marriage. We have to learn to laugh at our mistakes, but most importantly we need to celebrate together. Celebrate whether it's a win or a loss. Either way if you are together and working together it's always a win! There is always something to learn from everything we do in this life.
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